I had lots of fun today. School was, ok lahh. But, i was hyper during maths lecture. Then, met azhar from school. But before that. Yad cahtted with me during school at msn. Definitely, it wasnt me that initated the convo. haha. well, ive got over with. but, cmon lah, is he lying to a someone that he had knew for like going to 4 yrs.. ??? Wierd, he said, he love his gal. But, he had his last word for me, which i think is, redundant. "Love u, bizzu bb, muax, huggs." Tak perlu lah tu sumer. Tak heran lagy lah.

Cause, i know each and every bits of his weaknesses. AND even, i can tell, whether he is lying, sincere or not. So you, don't come, kpo-ing into my blog, just to check updates whether ive moved on or not. Don't worry, ive moved on. I will return everything to him and i want all my photos back. Do me a favour, ask him for me... can..??

ANW, aku tak heran lah lelaki orang. lagi lagi bekas aku. kau tak yah ajar aku nk move on ke tak. cause, u dont knw wads real love, and yea.. maseh honeymoon period mah. jadi, diam sudah!


Anw, went to ANK HUB! with azhar. He fetched me from sch.. go shopping, eat and then we headed to wlnds park.
i love the night breeze and the long talk we have.

thanks!
=))

Thursday, April 29, 2010 ♥

In school right now. Having my 3 hours break. YEEAP! ive done with my mindmap. Now left with MIS. URGH, just so much to do. Im blogging as im listening to music. HAHA. i know random. But, the song that is playing right now, is sung by muhammad riyadh. Sinambungan cinta. Gosh.

K, move on, i just don't understand teens nowadays. I mean, the word love is a very special word. The only word that makes you feel belong and secured. But, people nowadays, say it just for the sake of saying. At first, the nick refers to his new love, then he said something, a last word for me. Like, the one we always say to each other before sleep.

I want to carry on moving. But, whenever a guy approach me, i walk off. Actually, im not trying to play hard to get, but its just that, i don't need other guys just to move on kan..?? i am basically, enjoying bits of my single life noe.. with alot of people surrounding me.. giving me hopes and everything.

Well, as for, azhar, yeah, i tried to open up with him. Go out with him and all.

Mum and dad said, go out and know the what the world is like. get all the views and all type of guys out there. =))

" If you love someone, learn to let it go. If he/she comes back, he/she
meant to be yours. But if he/she doesnt, then, he/she was never meant to be
yours."

"If the love is pure, no matter what happens, bad or good, you will be
happy for he/she is happy with his/her life that he/she is leading now."

@ 9:09 PM

Tuesday, April 27, 2010 ♥

Hey, i've got alot to update about.
Well, yeah, i dont have a boyfriend, but im surrounded with all of my friends. And i am proud, that i am carrying myself well. Anyway, yeah, he found someone new.
Yeah, i deleted him from my facebook and contact. I just could not bear how much it hurts to play back the words he said and what is happening now. Well, he doesnt have to lie to me, saying he is single, no doubt, i still contact him. But, when i found out, that he is actually lying, it leads me thinking, why in the world, when he had someone to replace me, he still lie to me and even said that he aint attached. Add on, he accussed me of having a guy. When the fact is, for 5 months, i had been leading my own way.

Yesterday, when i saw his picture with his new love, nurul asked me, 'Kak, knp hubby hug dia??' i answered, 'Hubby dah tk nak ngn kakak lagi. Hubby dah jumper orang baru. Dia dah tak sayang akak and nurul lagi. Nurul takmo cakap sal hubby lagi k...?' and of course, i cried. I hugged her and kissed her. No doubt, i really miss him. That is the only way i could let my feelings out. You know, when you talk to a toddler that knows nothing, it is actually like,you are letting yourself out, but you get no and simple respond.

17 april, i saw the text. 15 april, he spent time with my family. I don't know what he thinks about. And a week ago, he teared. About us. And, ive made my stand, i won't get attached till i really had find my Mr right. The one that could accept my weaknesses and my past. Not worrying much, he won't read this. Will you have a girl to iron your clothes for you for every date out? Put it on for you, adjust you hair. Buy you the facial foam that you use. Get your toiletries ready for your confinement. Do your cabinet, with the fact that you and her are nothing. Seasoned your uniform .Polish your boots. Touch your cheeks and stare hard at you, telling you how much you meant to her. For three years, she kept all the sorrow and all the trouble u've made, just to follow what you said, which is to forgive and forget. Being at her most rugged looks after sports in sweat and still dares to walk to you and hug you in her arm, without thinking how bad she smells. But, urgh, that no longer important, but, will you get a girl that would love you more than i do..??

As long as i am not ready to commit, i won't commit. And once ive start to commit, i want my next to be my last.

AND now, i am concentrating on ivp.
Tired enough.
I hurt my throat during extraction.

@ 8:55 AM

Tuesday, April 20, 2010 ♥

I just don't have any mood to reply to anyone texts. One thing, my family problem. It really pushes me to my limit of being patience. I had never had this feeling of hatred at all. For the first time in my life, i hate my own blood. But, it doesnt even make a big deal out of it,cause, that someone had said before, that she soes not know us anymore.

Arwah nenek mesti sedih biler tengok keluarger ni yang dah terumbang-ambing. Kebahagiaan yang dulu sama-sama kiter bina kian rosak dimamah masa.

Ikotkan hati, nak ajer rembat kasi pecah muka dia. Tapi, pikirkan nasehat mama, ayah, abang.. Aku diam jer lahh. Memang dah aku punyer orang tak blh trimer kalau org cakap sal family aku. Kalau org luar aku brani hentak, aper lagy org yang dah kurang ajar dengan PAK CIK sendiri; bapak aku! Macam fhm. Sedih lahh konon. Dulu, family kau jugak yang campak dia, dengan baju baju dia skali luar rumah. Saper yang amek dier? Bapak aku. Dier tak der duet nak makan, saper dier carik lps kuarger kau halau dier kua umah? AKU! PAKAI otak dan akal pk bukan pantat.

I am seriously pissed off. Im sorry for the language use. But that is the only way for me to let out. I had been holding it back eversince.
I will make him kneel down and ask for forgiveness from my dad and mum. Bloody.




tomorrow silat performance. and thurs.
my legs are sore.


friends, im sorry for the negligence.
I hate you,
AHMAD ARDY TAN.
i really do. you scolded vulgar to my dad. and u even let your FREAKING FRIENDS DO IT.
I will make her kiss my freaking foot.





LEAVE ME ALONE!

@ 10:09 AM

Friday, April 16, 2010 ♥

I forget to take my medication.
I forget what the doctor had said.
I forget what I must do.

And now, the pain. YES, the freaking pain.
Is back again. I realise the fact that i am not suppose to get pressurised. But yet, i am putting myself at the verge of breaking. I hate this. " If want to die, just die lah."

Im suffering inside out. Im breaking front back.
Mum said, worst come to worst, ive to quit silat. Quit sports. GOSH, i hate that.
Thing is, i dont know what to blog about.



bye.

@ 11:08 AM

Thursday, April 15, 2010 ♥

Just came back from bugis. Had an outing with my poly mates. MY CALSSMATES.
Well, i miss their craps and obviously i am gonna miss Masriyah. She is the first one i talked to during my orientation. And now,she is leaving school. We planned for alot more of outing.
Cycling at pulau ubin. Marina barrage, idk for what go there. hahaha.

First, we go and have our late lunch at bugis. Got cats, so i and mas always freaked out. Fahmi, became hero of the day. Then we head off for sheesha-ing session. K, mas so cute.
Camwhored lahh, of cause. Zu and his nonsense.

Well, on the way back, someone asked me this, 'Are you not ready for relationship.'
Not only one person asked me, but 4.

Well, its not that i am not ready for it. But things that happens in the past IS hauntering me. I don't what. Yeah, its true, the love have not fade away. It is so strong, that i find it hard. IT IS HARD. but the other half of my previous still don't get it.

Okay, i agree, both of us, shall seat down and talk. It has been dragging uh.
Im tired.
Blame me ;(

@ 6:46 AM

Tuesday, April 13, 2010 ♥

I went bloghopping to alot of blogs. Then i realised, it had been such a long time since i gave my blog a proper update. Well, maybe its due to my moooo00000ooo00ooo0dless mood. I am trying my best, to tell myself that i am enjoying my every moment, but actually, no uhh..

Yes, naimah and lin sure say.. still got people message me whaaaaatt..
But no lah, im used to, only one people messaging me.. Not alot. Its seriously not me lah. Yes, i may be texting alot of people. But all are kawan kawan sahaja.

Anw, if you don't care with whom am i texting, why bother asking...??

Today was grreat.
It is mama 40th birthday. Actually dat day, i went to buy her prezzie with syira and a friend of mine.

Just now, sms-ed yad. Then maybe he fell asleep. Talk with an. Then, bathed. Then Azhar kolled. Then talked with yad. Then now, ahh-whale chatting with me. I think, he no online friend, dats y disterb me online. hahhaha.





K bye.

@ 11:41 AM

Monday, April 12, 2010 ♥

i get bored easily. ehh i cant wait for school to start. IVP coming ord. idk want to play b or c. shit. hahha.

i need to enjoy life. cmon on babieessss..
enjoy with me.

@ 11:02 AM

Friday, April 9, 2010 ♥

I need to learn to be independent.
I need to learn to be myself.
I want the best for me, myself.

Will update properly next time.



GOOD NIGHT =))

@ 7:57 AM

Saturday, April 3, 2010 ♥

This new created blog will be updated. Till i meet my true love.
Well, the old one, too much memories. It won't be deleted.
The fact is, he forgets me, at the verge i need him the most.

take care then. =))

@ 4:22 PM