Sometime things are meant to kept to yourself. And sometime things are meant to be told. I just couldnt understand people that always think highly of themself. Just want others to look up on them for something that arent made up of. It is really such a shame ah.



I dont need a man always think highly of themselves. And criticize others just because that other man isnt my pick. What makes you think that you are so good that i picked you to be mine? Wake up uh, no one is perfect and so do you. And maybe, his love are muchly pure than yours, thats why after so many years of waiting, looking at my happines with somebody else, he still wants to be with me.



I dont need a man that always think of, 'Ouh,if im this and that, she might leave me.' and 'Oh, she is way better than me,so i must make up something so that i will sound better than her.'



I dont need a man that always uses sympathy to cool me down when we are quarelling just to make me feel guilty.



Know this, all this game, ive been through before.

So, jangan MACAM FAHAM,

to tell me that, you are not one of a kind.

Laugh out Loud people.



well,

anyone can say, if i were to... do you think i will...

EVERY single soul can say, but whether or not you mean it is a different story.



ANW,

earlier, ive asked you about you NDP tix.

You told me to throw away.

And ive did it.





Thanks for all the love that you've showered me with.

Whether is it true or not, i don't know.

Thanks for all the sacrifices made.

And thanks to just a book of lie, you screwed everything up.

Sunday, July 25, 2010 ♥

I walk, i walk, i look back, i stop, i look back again, but i will never return.

Im happy when im single. One thing, i do what i am suppose to.
I go home and reach home early.
I dont always OTP. MSN.
And most of all, i spent my time well with my family.

When youre no more with me,
then you want to dekatkan diri with Masjid.
say that, family is your everything.
But, when last time, you scolded vulgar.
You dislike having a religious family.

Whatever it is, to me.
Its okay, if i have no guy.
But, its not a=okay if i have no family and friends.

@ 11:55 AM

Thursday, July 22, 2010 ♥

Now, ive just finish with my report. Semestral-head-wrecking-project-report. Semestral project was never a torcher to me, but eversince this lecturer took my group, DAMN IT man! I feel like kicking him man. But, NAH, its okay, just a few more semester to persevere. This year i am working with MOHD FAHMI BIN SALIM. He is such a great partner that understand both our responsibilities and so, he taught me to compromise with each other. I just hope the lecturer won't nag looking at the reports. Though its completed, there are still missing spots that i need help from Fahmi tomorrow.

Just now in school, during Maths tutorial, i almost fell from my chair. Lucky me, i reacted fast, i ran off from the chair. HAHHA. Thanks ehh, the whole class laughed. But at least, my ass din touch the ground, so it means, i din fell. It was near though. I hate laplace. Can we do something lighter? Like the one we did 3 years ago?? Hate it man.

Dad had giving me pressures for me to continue and pursue my education further after diploma. He said, he know and confident that i can study, but im just plain lazy. Yes lor. Its true lah. Everyone like that. Can study but lazy. Add on, im actually worried about the fees. About my commitment. But nevermind lahh, i still have about, err, less than 2 years?? Maybe, i shall pursue in NIE. I love kids, whadddd!



Pada-Mu aku berserah. Demi masa depanku yang penuh rahsia. Kurniakanlah aku kesabaran yang tegar, agar aku kuat untuk terus berjuang. Bukan demi hakiki yang akan tiba, tetapi demi merealisasikan impianku. Tunjuk lah aku hidayah-Mu, kerna itu lah yang penting di dalam hidupku. Untuk aku jadikan, sumber hidupku.

Yang Maha Esa,
sesungguhnya hanya ENGKAU yang mengetahui segala apa yang berlaku, walau sedalam lubang cacing, sejauh langit, sedekat nadi, tunjukkanlah segala kebenaran, agar aku dapat berlaku adil. Yang benar, biarlah mereka dekat padaku, dan yang tidak, ampunilah khilaf mereka, agar mereka diberi kesedaran atad kelakuan yang tidak disenangi hamba-Mu.

Hati aku keliru, fikiranku bercelaru, tak aku tahu, yang mana benar-benar yang telah berlaku. Mungkin ini silapku, membiarkan masa pantas berlalu. Tanpa aku hentikan, sedetik saat untuk aku renung. Maafkan aku, kerna aku gagal menjadi muslimah yang mentaati setiap pintamu, maafkan aku kerna aku lalai menggenggam tanggungjawabku terhadap ayah dan ibu, maafkan aku kerna aku bukan lah seorang ketua yang baik pada adik-adikku, dan maafkan aku kerna tidak dapat menjaga insan yang menyayangiku.

Setiap kali aku punyai masalah, pasti aku tertanya, apakah ini sudah suratan-NYA atau pilihanku? rendahnya aku dibandingkan insan lain. Yang tidak pernah lalai dari setiap perintahmu. Jika ini yang terbaik buatku, untuk aku taubat dari silap lamaku, aku rela. Jika ini yang diberikan, agar aku dijauhkan daripada dosa yang akan datang, aku terima.

Hanya pintaku secebis kekuatan dan hidayah-NYA, agar aku kuat dan gagah untuk terus melangkah di atas pentas dunia ini.





Sekian,
Wassalam.

@ 12:47 PM

Monday, July 19, 2010 ♥

It has been so long that i've abandoned this blog. Dusty kan ? hahah
Alot of things happened.
Adeer yang berlaku mengikut arus, dan ader yang terjadi tanpa aku tahu.
Im just like a bottle, half-filled.
You give me shits, lies, this and that, the water gets more and more and more.
It will overflow..


If only i have a brother.

@ 9:25 AM

Wednesday, July 14, 2010 ♥

I got chest pain.
I got gastric.
I survive with 5 pieces of nuggets and 1 prata with sausage for the day.

I hate myself during training,
cause i cannot libas.
I cannot roll and flip alot.
I just hate it.
BYE.

@ 10:41 AM

Monday, July 12, 2010 ♥

This post, with the word 'he' isnt refering to 'love'.
He said i had not move on. But i bloody did.
Why should i stay on to the past that's full of misery, pain, no doubt, yes, there are some countable happiness?
Don't worry, as soon as i graduate from NYP, i will stop silat to focus on my career. OR, as soon as i tunaikan janji dengan uncle, i'll leave that gelanggang. So that, we have nothing to talk or contact about anymore.
GREAT! You're happy with your life, like you'd say.
Im enjoying mine, too.
Please, there is nothing for me to look back at.


I went for school, then teaching, then go for training in school. =)
Gosh, i became so kiasu and for the first time i really treat my injuries well.
I rub counterpain on my elbow, use the guard.
I put panaflex on my knees and use the guard.
I really want to train well for the performance.
I pity Hazmi alot, if i might cause the performance haywire aahh.

ANW, i just got to know, somebody, splashed bandung all over his childhood friend..
WHO EH?!!!!!!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHA



I called you the name, b.

@ 9:17 AM

Saturday, July 10, 2010 ♥

And i asked myself, people found their happiness.
And, i have still yet to find it.

Im still in between the everything.
Not knowing to go or stay in.

Love is a very strong word.
Say it, mean it, prove it.

Heartbreak, damn it.
I still can remember my first relationship, on how it ended.
Not worth my tear.

I can't walk.
And, i became Mas Selamat clone with tudung.
Only, im shorter by 4 m. =)

@ 12:49 PM

Thursday, July 8, 2010 ♥

Time check: 1.27 am.

Hanisah came over to my place at around 8am. She followed me to school. Such a darling kan to wait for me to end class and all. Go break with me some more. HAHA. Now, i think she knows, my schooling style. Damn slack lah dayah.
Then, we go cuci mater at Amk Hub. I teman her shopping. She needs it lah. I know she need to ease her mind. After that, she come to my place and we pillow fight before we slept. And then off to work.

I just don't know how to say no. Let me just let this out. Once and for all.
The feeling just faded away,since the incident happened. I tried, but i couldnt. For all you know, the things that you did, to make me love you, are to no avail. I just couldnt. I cried my heart out last night cause to me, i was being very mean, to let you do all the good stuff for me, yet, my heart hardened harder. I'm sorry. I want, but if without love, can it survive..??

We aint like last time. Seriously, i feel so different when you talk about love to me.







p/s: i want to be alone. till i reach my career life.

@ 10:22 AM

Monday, July 5, 2010 ♥

Had a very long conversation.
Im sorry for making all this happening.
I don't want to put any hopes on anyone.
I just want to lead my life simple. As a girl.
As a school girl. Dat score straight A's in her exams *thats so not me* hahaha.

Az, thanks for the sakura treat. And the virgin trip to henderson waves~
I really enjoyed it so much!
Happy 2nd month =))
We'll stick to the teman tapi mesra kind of thing aitee!
And we'll see how things goes.

Faris, im sorry for the sufferings ive put you through these years.
We had a long conversation on MSN,
and i hope you get what i mean.


Well, i want to study. Focus on what i want to do.
In my studies an excel in everything i do.
I want to be a good teacher so that i can teach your kids.
Hahaaaa!




p/s: ive enjoyed my day =)

@ 11:05 AM

Saturday, July 3, 2010 ♥

I miss you.
I miss texting with you.
I miss talking on the phone with you.
I miss meeting you.
No matter how much the feling fade away,
i am still worried about you went you are at work.
Whether you had your meals or not..
I tried to do so much, to love,
to believe, to trust.
But i couldnt.
cause, all this while, i was the victim of getting cheated.

Im sorry,love.
Since i called you love, you will always be the one i call love.
='(

There's nothing i could do,
i don't understand what hell am i going through now.
But, if fate were for us,
it will always be.
Prayers are always the best.

@ 12:29 PM

Thursday, July 1, 2010 ♥

It has always been dream to be loved and love someone so special. Someone that don't lie for the sake of my sympathy. For whatever reason that person has, just respect a little bit of me and stop fooling around.



I just don't know where to start and begin with. The trust you are entitled to, you crashed it. When, you were so vulgar, i forgave you. I know, it was part of you before you were even with me. But to compare me to your previous, that is totally unbearable. Yes, i used to love you. Yes, i thought, you might be my last after my previous failed. But, with the attitude you show me, something shows me that, you are hiding your true self during the beginning stage.



You claimed, after the accident you suffered from a major memory loss. I did research on memory loss. Its says that someone that has always been by ur side on daily basis might be a great point to help. I know, im one of your someone.. I vow to make you recall the time we had together, both the good and bad. No matter, the inner me says that, i couldnt believe for what is happening now.


I know we can do this, without being in a relationship. I will do what i can to help u out. And i will do what i could, to let the feelings come back. Its hard. It is really hard. Im lost right now. I just don't know what to do and where to start. Let me cool down and have my time. I want things to get in place.














p/s: if only i know...

@ 9:12 AM